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Marketing Suggestions - Unfavorable Realities of The Blogosphere
By Kimberly Bock | July 15, 2008
Marketing Suggestion - Keep Fellow Marketers (’Friends’) In Proper Perspective
“The advice of friends must be received with a judicious reserve; we must not give ourselves up to it and follow it blindly, whether right or wrong.” ~ Pierre Charron
This weekend, a very close friend of mine was penalized and treated unfairly by someone he had considered to be a ‘friend’ - professionally and otherwise.
He had dedicated years of quality assistance, professional expertise and rearing in order to nurture a well known marketing forum. As a matter of fact, he was one of the founders and took great pride in his participation there.
Hours, days, nights, valuable time and energy was extended to ensure the success of the forum in reference. He granted support and sincere concern for it’s members as well as to complete strangers that visited. His provisions included free backend work, establishing formats of various initiatives which guided their directives, donated public speeches & conference efforts, and shared after hours friend-chat and bond building on a personal level.
His ‘friend’ had gotten offended by a negative review of her, by another friend of his, in Stumbleupon.
The review simply said:
“Bully, but good at hiding it in public“
When she saw this review, she emailed him to tell him about it as opposed to confronting the person who had reviewed her. It seems she was unsatisfied with his response which was to contact the person who reviewed her as opposed to involving him.
His position was reasonable, professional and balanced was it not?
“It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but even more to stand up to your friends.” ~ J. K. Rowling
Within the course of an hour, she had placed him in an unfair position.
He had kind-heartedly exhausted himself for the benefit of this forum. His efforts brought to fruition the value the forum holds today. Instead of gratitude, he was greeted by opposition.
“In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends.” ~ John Churton Collins
He politely submitted his resignation handling the situation honorably, without drawing negative attention to anyone.
I respect his ability to be that way. It shows strength of character that I have yet to master.
How Does Her Response Apply To You?
It’s likely that you also may face this same sort of challenge.
When dealing/interacting with marketers, you’ll hear people referring to you as a friend. Some are sincere, some are not, some may want to be, but have an inability to prioritize, some may call you a friend as long as you agree with everything they say.
Too frequently, you’ll find that if you have very little to offer, they wouldn’t have given you the time of day to begin with.
Forgive and forget, then move on. My friend helped me to realize this. It’s a lesson that I am grateful to learn and pass on to you.
My inability to do this for the past month or so, led me to unproductive animosity and time consuming resentment posts.
Marketing Suggestion - Choosing Your Position Wisely
Assess your position in a way that will allow you to define your chosen presence.
KNOW where you stand.
For the last month or so, I’ve been angry, disappointed, and otherwise dismayed by what I’ve observed behind the scenes as well as blatant public cruelty by many popular ones that present themselves as upstanding, level-headed individuals, but prove otherwise by their actions.
Instead of using insulting terminology, I should have chosen to nurture those who still have a chance of maximizing their greatest potentials, as benefactors of humankind, social media enthusiasts, marketers, and family members. After all, these are what our lives entail.
The relationships that you establish with your fellow marketers need to be balanced. Fellow marketers are wonderful sources of education and tools. Utilize what they offer, be appreciative, but keep a clear head. Be considerate, but don’t overwhelm yourself trying to please them.
When disagreements arise, if the other party is unwilling to be reasonable, keep your wits, agree to disagree and move on.
Make friends with newcomers who also have valuable content and are typically very happy to help you and vice versa. They are also trying to create a name for themselves and may be more likely to reciprocate link love and various other credits. They typically have less followers because they are yet new, therefore having more time to assist you in networking and efforts. Building relationships with these new SM enthusiasts will help you to create and define a presence you can call your own. And will provide you with a new avenue of loyalty (audience / readers).
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” ~ Dale Carnegie
Be mindful of what it is that you have to offer. Be cautious not to feel pressured to impress. Focus upon giving, not expecting anything in return. Be sure to brand your own voice, which ultimately speaks for your character and will define what you represent.
Remember, establishing boundaries is healthy and it shows confidence that strengthens your presence.
It became apparent to me that no one is safe / guaranteed a permanent position of respect, gratitude, loyalty, or even ‘friendship’ in the blogosphere. No matter how many years you may have ‘known’ each other or how many experiences have been shared together. Sadly, the marketing world is dog-eat-dog, and a bit of weight-throwing.
Disagreement or debate is frequently unwelcome as opposed to viewing it as an opportunity to express expertise in an educational arena or an opportunity to broaden horizons, progress with the times, and reconsider positions.
Considering the potentials of SM advantages, times change, people change, Marketing is changing.
Truly the marketer that will have success in the future will be one who welcomes healthy debate without unfounded fear, even if it means recognizing the need for revisions.
“Test ideas in the marketplace. You learn from hearing a range of perspectives. Consultation helps engender the support decisions need to be successfully implemented.” ~ Donald Rumsfeld
Friendships you may have thought to carry value and worth quickly prove to be nothing more than easily discarded / expendable relationships with the realization that you have truly been strangers after all.Understanding this while you are new (even if you’re an old-dog learning new tricks) may save valuable time, energy and exasperation.
Marketing Suggestion - Assess SM Friends With a Level Head
Refining how you view your associates may be in order. It’s your responsibility to define your individual presence. You are not here to define theirs. You must consider it a priority to define who you are, what you offer, and your ethics &/or stance.
Who you prove yourself to be, behind the scenes as well as in public, will eventually shine through. It will reflect positively or negatively upon you, your product, your services, and what you are representing overall.
Before the dawning of social media, it was easier to keep things hidden or ‘undisclosed’.
Today, this is no longer the case.
Marketing Suggestions - The Series
During the course of the next couple of weeks, we’ll focus upon a 5 part marketing suggestions series. It’s imperative that you clearly understand certain facets of SM in various elements. Today’s discussion might be considered a human element. Not a lesson on ethics. You’ll have the burden of defining your own ‘take’ on ethics and it’s importance (or lack thereof) on your own terms as you go along.
The series will address the following: (not necessarily in same order)
- Beginner blogging - Empowering yourself with education and experimentation
- Beneficial software/tools for the SM enthusiast/blogger
- Utilizing SM/networking sites - Defining your role
- Concern for consumer rights
- Taking it to the Street - Ways to use SM to benefit the environment/humanity, without spending a dime
Let’s define ourselves in a way that’s not only profitable, but dignified.
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Topics: Controversy, Link Building, Social Media |
July 15th, 2008 at 2:27 am
WOW Kimberly great post full of valuable content. It is so important that we “choose our position wisely” as you have said and I am totally excited for the 5 part marketing suggestions series.
Thanks
Garrett Piersons last blog post..Technorati Tag Generator Podcast
July 15th, 2008 at 4:00 am
Thank you Garrett. I had been angry, but now I’m understanding the need for optimizing positivity as opposed to a glaring light of negativity. it will be nice getting back into the positive mode I loved while I was beginning my journey into the blogosphere.
July 15th, 2008 at 6:00 am
Thanks Kimberly, I think this is a valuable post for everyone to read and take to heart. It seems there has been a lot of dissension in my online world and not a few falling outs. I’m sorry to hear about your friend and would think that our disagreements should not lead to loss of friendship. But then again, I don’t think there was a real “friendship” in the first place.
The best line in this post IMHO is “Focus upon giving, not expecting anything in return.” That pretty much sums it up because if you don’t expect anything in return, you won’t be dissapointed when that’s what happens.
David Temple’s last blog post..SEM Scholarship, and the winner is…
July 15th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Hi Kimberly,
I think anger can help us to get moving, but if we keep on with it we get stuck being oppositional. The time comes to build the alternative.
Looking forward to the series.
July 15th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
I too have observed how fickle the Internet can be. Unfortunately, the situation you’re describing can be created over and over again by a few unscrupulous people who, yes, use everyone else for their own purposes. They’re pretty easy to identify though if you just look for the trail of destruction in their wake. I should also say that I have made some good friends on the Internet and Kim happens to be one of those I trust–just be careful who you trust and exercise some healthy caution.
Patricia Skinners last blog post..Smart-@#$ SEO
July 15th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Dave and Evan, Thanks for your interest and comments.
Yup Dave, giving without expectations..That’s become my inspiration and I feel a burden has been removed as a result. No more resentments. Just growth my friend.
Patricia, thanks for that.
July 15th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
If someone was treated like that after years of friendship the person was never really a friend. It’s too bad but this kind of thing happens all the time.
Something I’ve done recently is try to search the name. Social media sites have a way of taking up the first page but page 2-3 tend to have lot’s of truths if you will.
Sorty to hear about what happened to your friend; if this was in the blogosphere and he is looking for a new forum to call home tell him to flip me a note.
Great bloggery; sphunn!!!!!!
July 15th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Wow. That is a very, very….. very good post Kim. I can relate to what you wrote in so many ways. Having such a forums for many years, it’s so damn easy to read everything in a literal way. Being online means you just don’t have that face-to-face and one to one encounter that human beings crave. It’s easy to misinterpret the smallest of details and have things blow up in front of you. I agree with a comment above in that they were just not a true friend to begin with. I think we all find that true friends are very hard to find without real and frequent get-together’s.
July 15th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
Thanks, he knows she’s not a real friend, but it would hurt him to acknowledge the truth. I actually admire him for that. AS long as he was answering to her beck and call, she was terrific as a friend. Sharing intimate times together. There’s photos of them throughout the years looking very close, they’ve worked closely together while he donated many hours to help her, etc..but that became null and void when he chose not to take anyones side (about the review) It’s a shame people have to be that way.
I’ve been trying to tell him this for some time, but he had to find out the hard way. I admire his nature to be a friend and I am learning from it.
July 15th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
Fantastic post Kim. It’s great to see you so inspired again after the difficult times I know you and your friend have been through. I hope you can both put it behind you now and continue to move forward in this positive direction.
I’m glad to have had your friendship and support since I joined the blogosphere.
And I agree with Evan. I’m really looking forward to this new series.
Ken Joness last blog post..Will It Float? A guide to getting Google to love you
July 15th, 2008 at 11:24 pm
PS Congratulations on getting what I think might be the only completely positive and friendly comment I’ve ever seen Doug Heil make on an SEO blog
Ken Joness last blog post..Will It Float? A guide to getting Google to love you
July 15th, 2008 at 11:41 pm
Haha..Yes, I was shocked myself. But the fact of the matter is, he’s had many reasons to critique negatively I’m afraid. It’s hard to deal with the average marketers lack of ethics or care for others. It’s as if they see you as a dollar sign or a conversion only. And whatever it takes is what they do.
I will still give thumbs down when I think it’s deserved in SU or voting areas where a review is appropriate, but I’m not going to harbor negativity on this blog anymore. It’s better to promote realistic change, than it is to badger things.
I consider you a friend Ken, thanks for commenting.
July 16th, 2008 at 8:41 am
don’t believe in anything you read on the web
don’t make friends on the web
don’t take drugs during daytime
don’t stop reading blog posts just because they use quotes by Dale Carnegie AND Donald Rumsfeld
supaswags last blog post..Sea, Sex and Sun
July 16th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Ooch that hurts but good advice
Leos last blog post..Support strikers through Web 2.0
July 16th, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Dear Kimberly,
When I found your negative review of my services and business, which you’ve never used, I was indeed offended. You have a history of removing all of Bill’s friends, and it is now my turn.
For every story told, there are many sides. You can feel free to admit that is me, Kim Krause Berg, who is the “Bully” you refered too, before you removed your comment in SU. And it was me who had reasons to part with Bill as my co-admin after a long 10 year friendship. It was something he and I had been discussion for months and I’m guessing, not having to be an Admin has been quite freeing for him.
Losing him broke my heart but he’s happy with you and as his friend, I had found great comfort in that.
Take care, both of you.
Kim Krause Berg
Kim Krause Bergs last blog post..Online Reputation Management: What Goes Around May Be Total Crap
July 16th, 2008 at 10:37 pm
I reviewed you Kim. Not your services and/or business.
Although, personally, I would not choose your services/business for needs I may have due to the fact that you’ve displayed qualities I’m uncomfortable with.
Without creating an argument here, I’d like to say that if you sincerely thought of Bill as a rtue friend, you would not have discarded him like an old sock because he didn’t want to get involved with the ‘review’ situation. He told you to go to me about it, and you responded by removing him as an admin. It was cruel, unfair, and in the very least, showed an ungrateful attitude towards him after all the work, time friendship, and dedication he had given to you over the years.
Bill’s a good man, who I doubted because he associated with the likes of people that used him up for their gain. I thought, “Is this the man I want to marry?” But I see he’s not like that..he just gave his heart and trust to undeserving ones.
He’s teaching me forgiveness and teaching me how to grow concerning situations such as this one. I will forever hate the fact that I ever doubted him.
Ethics? Bill’s got ethics. You lost a good friend and business partner Kim.
July 16th, 2008 at 10:57 pm
Your exact words were:
“Usability Effect Website Usability Reviews and Usability Consulting Bully, but good at hiding it in public.”
And a correction. Bill did not resign. There are many reasons why he is no longer my co-admin. He was not, nor never was, my business partner. We both donated years of time - together.
Let’s be clear here, Kimberly. He was not allowed to come to my 50th birthday party and he did anyway, knowing it would piss you off. He came anyway to say goodbye to me, and that was in May. I’d not heard from him since, in his role as co-admin or otherwise.
You will defend him and protect him furiously and I get that. Please be happy with him, but leave me out of it. Thank you.
July 17th, 2008 at 12:24 am
Kim, I’m sitting here reading what you just said and I’m thinking, “Omg, she’s one of those people that tells lies and actually believes them.”
You know darn well that I only reviewed you with the words I used in this post. I removed it out of respect for Bill, who was concerned that he was losing your friendship over it.
And as far as the ‘correction’, is concerned, I left that part open so as not to place the log in your lap or Bills. You removed Bill as admin because he wouldn’t take any sides. It was unfair to treat him that way. He deserved better than that ‘friend’..I mean, he took some vacation time away from your needs, because he’s in a new relationship, being happy, visiting new towns, involving himself in various environmental support, and living his life. Is he not allowed to do that?! If he said “Kim, I need a year away from obligations” (he worked for FREE anyway) you should have been a ‘friend’ and allowed him that much. When does humanity play a role here?
Birthday party? Are you saying that I wouldn’t ‘let’ a grown man go to your birthday party? Is that what you’re insinuating? H*ll, I didn’t know you were HAVING a b day party. If I did know, I am no position to tell Bill not to go. I would’ve told him to pay close attention to the two faces you obviously have is what I would’ve told him.
Like he’s seeing now. I’m not doing it..YOU are Kim.
He no longer suited your purposes or fulfilled your demands, so you discarded him. Not my fault.
What you are doing now, mailing me private mail in MyBlogLog, and mailing Bill with hateful stuff, is all NOT MY FAULT.
You want out of it? How did I ever put you in it? Own up to your own mistakes and drama Kim. We all have to. I’ve had to make a trumendous amount of changes in my life to get to where I am now. Change is good. If you want true happiness in your life Kim, I mean really.. you are going to have to make changes. I’m not talking about your ‘marketing’..I’m talking about your life. Quit trying to be harmful to me. Your manipulation may work for many, but it is null and void here.
July 17th, 2008 at 12:49 am
I cut and pasted your statement and presented it here as I found it on SU before you removed it. It was removed before I contacted Bill, who asked you to remove it.
You contacted me to alert me, via MyBlogLog comments, to tell me you posted this blog post. I replied via the same route you took to contact me.
Bill says I sent hateful stuff to him? I’ll forward you my email to him.
In addition, I have never been “intimate” with Bill, or had an “intimate” friendship with him. Thought I should clear that one up too.
Bill asked me to not write in public that he attended my birthday because you would get mad. What he told you, I have no idea. The pictures Li took show him trying to hide his face. I apologize for having to bring it up but I’ll keep presenting the facts as they were stated to me.
I never “discarded” anyone and I believe anyone who knows me can verify that. My feelings about losing Bill have been expressed to him and the entire Cre8asiteforums moderating staff, who have known he and I for years, as well as seen us interact.
And finally, last January I asked Bill if he wanted to take a year off to be with you and not deal with the forums. He refused my offer.
Please continue. Both myself and the forums were prepared for you. As I told Bill in one of the emails he never showed you apparently, when you take me on, the forums will be taken down.
I loved Bill. Post this in full. Thank you.
July 17th, 2008 at 4:31 am
Kimberley, if you feel, as you write, “When disagreements arise, if the other party is unwilling to be reasonable, keep your wits, agree to disagree and move on” … do so.
Kimberley, if you were dismayed at “blatant public cruelty” - don’t contribute to public cruelty.
Kimberley, “the relationships that you establish with your fellow marketers need to be balanced.”
Kimberley — heed your own words, be your own post: live it.
- Be mindful of what it is that you have to offer
- establishing boundaries is healthy and it shows confidence
July 17th, 2008 at 7:06 am
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July 17th, 2008 at 10:28 am
You did not cut and paste my review. You straight out lied.
I’ve slept on this and I refuse to continue debate with you, because you are lying and it will only serve to be harmful to me in the long run because you are convincing to many.
You are only going to continue lying which is not healthy for either of us.
Ruud, yes my intentions are to remain true to what I wrote. I am now seeing that this is one of those times where agreeing to disagree is required. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
About the cruelty part: I wonder, is it more cruel to harm peoples reputation by way of deceit and lies than it is to expose untruth? It is something I struggle with. But in the end, what it boils down to is protecting those who are in the line of fire. Lies, and behind the scenes activities of those who are considered ‘respected’ ones are damaging to a multitude of people, and I cannot assist them with that. I will be peaceable in my blog writing, but when it comes to debate, I welcome it and am not the type of person that feels obligated to hide things which are to the detriment of others who do not deserve foul play. I am one of few, and am obviously faced with attackers. but I’ll just have to cry in my living room alone. no big deal. I am here for the consumer first. I am not here as a marketer first. My responsibilities are to the world I live in first, not to marketers and especially not to lies.
Lies are cruel, not honesty.
July 19th, 2008 at 11:42 pm
[...] Marketing Suggestions - Unfavorable Realities of The Blogosphere [...]
July 20th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Being that I know how hard it is to be a forum owner, I’m staying out of that totally.
On to another subject that pertains to Kimberly’s OP;
Don’t ya just hate people who kiss the ass of others and make it so damn obvious? LOL That sphinn place with the p1 fiasco was something to behold. You have that whalen character falling all over herself protecting “sphamm” and that sullivan person. Read her latest post in there. Funny, funny………FUNNY stuff indeed. Something that goes right along with your article in here is the fact that MANY times being disagreeable is quite enough to getting you banned at places like Sphamm. I’m another one that pageoneresults, (Edward) talked about when he stated he was banned at that highrankings place. Why? Because she could not accept the truth and could not accept disagreement from him.
Many places don’t like people who speak openly and freely AND the truth. That’s a fact. This industry probably consists of more babies in it than any other industry I’ve been involved in…… 4 of them prior to the internet. Jill Whalen is one of those babies who cannot stand it if someone talks bad about her, and she will defend DannyBoy and his beloved sphamm place until the end of time.
Sorry Kim; I could not resist putting in my two cents worth since no one would ever see me step foot into that sphamm place as a contributer. I don’t quite get why anyone does either… to be truthful. I know of a whole ton of people who USE to contribute there, but not anymore.
Maybe that was not quite about your topic, but it’s another case of knowing who your friends really are, and the fact this industry is all about the politics in the end.
July 21st, 2008 at 11:13 am
I’m soooo glad you commented. Nothing to apologize for! It was certainly on topic (for this post and, as you can see, the forum world I’m living in. *rolls eyes*)
There’s no reasoning with some people! It’s as if they are willing to make themselves look like senseless, bullheaded, babies, even if it reflects poorly on them as so-called professionals. Hello??
I just can’t understand it.
I think I’m drained today. This weekend was a mess over there.
I mean, really…………………………………………..?&%*
I wanted to return to your forum this weekend. I’m bummed out that I didn’t. I coulda had more fun
Thanks for dropping your 2 cents’…I love it when you do that. I feel like I’ve had a meal, as opposed to an appetizer.
July 21st, 2008 at 6:17 pm
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